A Lifetime of Regret

A man tormented by the guilt of murder will be a fugitive till death. (Proverbs 28:17)

Over the past 12 years as a counselor for women in crisis pregnancies, I have talked with many who are pregnant and contemplating abortion. I have also talked with those who have had one abortion or more. The following are some of the excuses/reasons they have given for aborting their child.

• I am (was) too young.
• I don't have time for a baby right now.
• What will my parents say?
• What about my career?
• What about college and the scholarship I have received?
• I can't afford a child.
• This child is the result of a rape. I don't want it.
• I already have my two children and don't want anymore.
• We just had a house built with a bedroom for each of our two children. Where would we put another child? Besides that fact we can't afford a baby. Our house payment is $1000 a month!

So many young women think that abortion is a "Quick Fix", a way out without anyone knowing. Little do they realize the emotional trauma they will be undergoing. They don't understand until it is too late that they will think about the child they destroyed everyday thereafter and wonder; was it boy or a girl? What would she/he have looked like? They will remember that child each year on the day he or she would have been due to be born. They will suffer from a feeling of guilt and remorse that will never go away.

Several years ago a young woman came to me about a half-hour before we were scheduled to close the counseling center for the evening. We talked for two hours. She had just moved here from out of state and wasn't even settled in a permanent home yet. She was married and had two children, a two year old and a six month old baby. She had informed me earlier on the phone that she was looking for a support group in the area for women suffering from PAS (Post Abortion Syndrome).

As she sat down and we began to talk, I realized that she was very desperate. She informed me that she had had an abortion nine years earier. She had been engaged to be married at the time. She and her finace` had so many plans and such a bright future together, but there was one hitch. She had just found out she was pregnant.

She didn't have time for a baby and couldn't afford a child right now. She still had to finish school. What would her parents who were strong Catholics say? She was ashamed to tell them that she hadn't waited for marriage. She informed her fiance` that she wanted an abortion and that was it. She wasn't having this baby.

Now, nine years later, she was still suffering from that hasty decision she had made. She and her then finace` are now married and have two beautiful children, but her heart still aches for that child she didn't have time for. She also informed me that she had given birth to a still born infant five years after her abortion and that she has come to terms with the loss of that child.

She had attended several different support groups in cities where they had lived. She knew that Jesus died for her and she was forgiven for the bad choice she had made. Still her comment to me was; I am stuck! Each morning when I awaken the first thought that comes to my mind is that precious little life that I destroyed. I know that I have been truly blessed. I have two beautiful children and a husband who loves me and takes good care of us. I want to be happy, but I can't forget. It just won't go away.

She had accepted the loss of her still born child because it had been God's will. She was unable to put the abortion behind her because it had been her will. She had taken matters into her own hands instead of trusting in the Lord. She wished she could go back and change what happened, but it's there forever. She will always regret even though she knows and understands that Jesus loves her unconditionally and that he forgives all sins.

Sin leaves scars on our hearts. Scars heal, but never go away. Our government says it's not against the law to abort our children. We will not go to jail, be fined, or be punished for it physically, but it is morally wrong and against God's law. God grants the gift of life and only God has the right to take a life. In Dueteronomy 32:39 God tells us, See now that I myself am He! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal, and no one can deliver from my hand.

I wish that everyone who is contemplating abortion could talk to this young woman or others like her (there are many). I have had no further contact with her, but when she left she gave me a hug of thanks. She finally understood that she would never be able to forget, but life would go on and she would be thankful for the two precious children God had given her since that day so long ago.

 This devotional article is written in memory of the millions of babys who have never seen life outside the womb. If you are one of the many women suffering from Post Abortion Syndrome and need someone to talk to. Please call: (810) 767-1262 and ask to speak with a counselor.

By Kristeen - To God be the Glory!